Saving myself

[Mickal Redwater]

Well from everyones kind words in comments, i figured id do what you all suggested, write. So i've started writing again, a memoir, a story that will take a long time, and poetry.

I've posted some of my other stuff from previous 'episodes' before, if you look back here, but i'll use this to post my new stuff.. Lot of it will be poetry.. some of it will be so-so, as most of what i write usually is, some of it will need editing, but i'll post it all, cause it helps, and ive proven that.

PLEASE comment, your words of advice (good and bad) will be uplifting.

[Mickal Redwater]

When all i see is darkness
Where pain resides
And all the loneliness
everything inside

When i close my eyes
and see the darkness
And hear all the cries
My thoughts digress.

And you brought the light
How it blinded my vision
Took away all my fright
I could make a decision.

But when the blindness of love
left me standing there in light
for the first time
I couldn't believe my sight.

In the darkness i was shaded
In the darkess i was scared
In the darkness i was jaded
But in the darkness i was safe.

For when the darkness was lifted
and i stood there in the light.
I could see all the demons i had feared
See them oh so bright.

In the darkness i heard their howls
But i thought they were a fiction
In the light i now see their scowls
The evil in their conviction.

Now that i see their ugly faces
the eyes, the tentacles, the teeth
I long for that shadowed darkness
Where i could hide, always underneath.

Everyone says they long for lambency
But i just wish you'd put the light away.

[MoP]

Seriously Mickal, if I ever get to writing songs, please supply the lyrics!

[Mickal Redwater]

haha id love to.

if it wasnt for my god aweful singing voice, i figured id be destined for the music business

oh well.

[MoP]

You don't need a nice voice for the genre I'm working on

[Mickal Redwater]

This is a poem i wrote for a girl i like, however she is 2000 miles away so im kind of afraid to do anything about it, but i may send her this for valentines day.


standing there under the starlight
back against the falling rain
clouds admist a blur of brightness
lightning comes and then it feigns
i hear your voice admist the clatter
sweeter than a childs confection
isolated from desolation
awaiting me in my reflection
cast upon the distant shores
lost among the dirtied water
your effigy amidst mirages
there and gone without a falter
lighthouse shining for a mile
there amongst your gracious smile

[Mickal Redwater]

Ever close your eyes and see
Death at the very corners of your mind
But i smile, wishing i could be
cold and stopped for someone to find.
I've forgotten what is real
I close my eyes and still i stare
into your effervescent gaze
and your enticing smile
until someone awakens me from this haze
and i remember I'm
Alone
Scared
Lost
Drowning
and dead inside.

[Mickal Redwater]

I hold the razor to my arm again
Drop it to the floor.
Arms intact
Mind in shambles.
I feel the rush
as the powder hits my brain.
Starting my stockpile again,
Blue, white, pink, red,
all colors of the rainbow,
all for different pains,
but for me, they serve one purpose;
Just in case
I want to try it again.
I tie a noose in my sheets
just to ensure I remember how.
I go to bed at night,
drunk and high, and falling apart,
Hoping the only thing i will see
is black.
The light breaks through the blinds,
another morning.
Another day i curse
Afraid that the next morning,
I will still be alive.

[Losmar]

Keep it up, I'll go so far as to tell you to get lost in your writings. I've started one that I've been meaning to for a while... ironically its actually on paper, lol... and I never do that...

but yeah, keep up the good work!

[Mickal Redwater]

Back to Poetry writing. these are a little more upbeat.


"Brushed with the quill of fate
Alas my words begin to fade
My breath races, i can't wait
For this world to open up for me
So i can see the riches of life
What has been hidden for so long
Waiting for me at the end of this strife
Waiting for me at the end of this song.
Love
Life
Truth
Always hanging on the edge of a moment
Looking for the atmosphere that's abient
Finding a way to be transcendent
Lost
Found
Again
Here i am."

[owly]

awesome poems

[Crunch]

Safe in the darkness, what an interesting thought,
Blinded to see no danger, ignoring it like a sot.
Now that you can see it, you may fear it but remember.
As before when you lived in the darkness,
You've been protected all this time,
by the same one who brought the light.
Now you have been allowed to see,
you'd think it was for some purpose, indeed.
Use any light to seek out safety,
for when darkness falls again,
I'd fear tripping of a cliff,
over any demon.

[Mickal Redwater]

Well i got broken up with again.. so that means more poems coming.

I'm lost in the fury of loneliness
The suffering of the departed heart
where pain become truth
which in turn becomes everything.
I once saw a glimpse of the sun
so bright it threw me from my stance
A look at what could eventually be won
But i knew i didnt have a chance
I'm lost among the dirtied water of love
Where hearts are buried and heads are abandoned
Flying towards disaster
Towards the sun like wings of a dove

[_Nagash_]

You really have talent, mate..... do consider songwriting, even if you're not too charmed of your own voice.