Evernight Guild Archive

Guild Name:

SPAMMERS DELIGHT (SPAM)

Created: 2007-09-24 03:33:48
Game: unity
Faith: Barnabas

Charter

A lone tower stood bathing in fog at the centre of the moor. A beacon – though always avoided – for those who needed to travel through the wasteland, its blackened walls were now nigh invisible, cloaked in the heavy darkness of midnight. No stars shined down upon it, even though the sky was devoid of clouds. The lack of light was accompanied by a complete lack of sound as well. It seemed clear that no one lived here, man nor beast.

On this hot, foggy summer’s night, a lone traveller was making his way through the moor. He was moving with the determination of one who knew where he was headed, despite the overwhelming darkness and his being bereaved of his eyesight by the mist. Headed straight for the tower, he wore a long cloak with the hood pulled far over his eyes. The only thing that gave away his position was the sound of his footsteps and the cracking of the heath underneath his boots. To the traveller, the snapping twigs were making a lot of noise. Each snapping twig sounded like striking thunder in this omnipresent silence.

For what might have been ages the dark shape moved confidently forward, before finally reaching the tower. He spoke a single word: “Mur.” and the gates slowly opened, groaning and squeaking in protest. Candles were casting their eerie light from the far wall in the big antechamber. Draperies hung on the walls and all the furniture cast their long shadows towards the entrance, like groping fingers. The cloaked figure stepped forward and started climbing the steps. Once he’d reached the top, he stopped for an instant. Humming sounds were coming out of the room there. He silently removed his cloak and cast it aside on the ground. He moved with the catlike grace of a swordsman, yet with the stealth of an assassin. A wicked grin on his face, he kicked the door open and jumped inside the room. The man who sat writing on a desk jumped in terror, spilling ink on the letter he was writing. He fumbled for his weapon, until he saw the face of his unexpected guest.

“ Naggie-poo! ”

“ Maliki! ”

The two then greeted each other in a ritualistic way, making odd, seemingly random movements which ended in the pinching of each other’s noses.

“ You bring news from the outside? ”

“ I do. Why do you live in the bog-forsaken place anyway? All damp and misty…. My neighbour’s estate is now free, you know? A nice 500 acre estate by the sea, overlooking the bay. ”

Nagash grinned wickedly and drew one of his daggers, a mythril weapon with runes carved in it, jewels encrusted in the hilt.

“ I thought it a convenient coincidence that he met the pointy end of this thing here. He was one of them you know? ”

“ A potato farmer? ”

“ Yes! I couldn’t believe it when I heard about it! ”

Maliki started pacing the room, a worried look on his face.

“ But surely that’s not what you came all the way here for? To tell me he was a potato farmer? And that he’s now rather holey? ”

“ Indeed not, friend Maliki. I think it is time for us to start a faction, for the world is changing. People are starting to forget about the noble art of swaffling. Back in the old days, everybody enjoyed a good old swaffling. To swaffle heathens… to hold friendly swaffling competitions... But no more. People are now enjoying crazy stuff, like jousting and wrestling. Ha! ”

“ Ha! Then you are correct! It is a fortunate event that your neighbour perished! We shall have to take up arms against those who resist! We shall teach people how to swaffle again! The streets will flood with the blood of the non-believers! We shall show them the power of a fishing rod! ”

~~

The next day – after a good night’s heavy drinking, singing of lewd songs and a long discussion of the aesthetics of Hollisandra – the two travelled westward, towards Nagash’s estate and the now-abandoned estate of the potato farmer who now was pushing up the daisies. They arrived on a pleasantly warm summer’s morning. A cool, refreshing breeze came from the sea and the sun was drying the dew from the grass. During their travels they had forged cunning plans that could not fail. They would pledge allegiance to Leto, just so that they might speak in his name. Priests and scholars would be dispatched to all towns and cities to educate the people on the lost art of swaffling among other useful skills that were declining into oblivion. Few people, for example, knew how to thrust right with their lances. A sad development indeed, which had cost many lives in the recent past. Nothing scared marauders and bandits more than a good thrusting. Save for a sound swaffling of course. With all plans ready, there was just one thing missing.

“ There’s just one thing missing. “

“ There is. Shall we go and see her? “

“ I think we should. She’s the one who enjoyed being swaffled like no other after all. She’s the sultana of swaffling! The empress of eroticism! The goddess of goodness……….! “

Maliki was bouncing with excitement now, but was lacking superlatives, so Nagash added: “ Truly, her voice is ambrosia and her hair like sunbeams. Holli, here we come! “

“ Eww. “

“ Oh, shut up! “

After inspecting Maliki’s new place, they went onwards to a place where this most divine of all beings lived. Hollisandra, who was to become their GuildMistress of Pwetty!


Ranks

GM: Oracle
AGM: Slave of Holli
Squad Leader: Heathen Swaffler
Full Member: Sexy People
Member: Cute Fluffy Animal
Newbie: Newbie

History

We are new, but shall spam our way into the history books!

Rules




The rules are simple and straightforward, as summarised in the Spammers Handbook:

1. Obey Tempers Ball rules. All of them. I.e. do not make an ass of yourself, do not post bug reports on the boards, over ICQ, or in IRC, unless specifically asked to by staff, do not spam or post redundant messages, do not post kingdom numbers or kingdom names on the boards, pornography, piracy, or other illegal material is not allowed, do not post links or advertizements to hate or anti-Evernight sites - this includes racial, ethical, or sexually related sites - and last but not least do not post accusations of cheating on the boards.
2. Members are required to spam at least twice a day: before and after dinner. More spamming is optional, you do that in your free time.
3. Spam, but spam with style. No redundancy!
4. Holli is to be swaffled if she is not within our ranks. If she is, she is only to be swaffled at her own request.
5. Have fun!
6. Be nice to the other players, even if they are filthy heathens who wouldn know spam if it hit them upside the head.
7. Promotion can be achieved by classy spamming, heathen whooping or random extraordinary achievements. For new members just contacting a GM usually does the trick.
8. Don't be sulky when we don't win an age. Shit happens.
9. If the GM disappears, there will be another GM to take over. If all GMs disappear at the same time, the members will elect a new leader from their own ranks.
10.The hierarchy in Spammer's Delight is as follows (in descending order):
Oracle - one of the head honcho's and beacons of spam and silliness. These guys tend to talk a lot
Slave of Holli - one who helps the Spamming Goats with their tasks; those who are good spammers, but still slightly rough around the edges. They tend to Holli's needs.
Heathen Swaffler - combatant and instructor in the nigh-lost Art of Swaffling.
Sexy People - decoy units who distract the heathen armies if said army doesn't like fluffy animals. They eat a lot of rabbit stew.
Cute Fluffy Animal - decoy units who distract the heathen armies.
Newbie - the rough diamonds who have been too lazy to contact one of the Oracles.
11. Mur!