Evernight Guild Archive

Guild Name:


Created: 2006-06-18 21:44:43
Game: guild


Fatliness is next to Godliness.

So it is written in the third book of Mort.

As a young goblin, Mort had a single love. While his goblin brethren busied themselves digging and mining and obsessively extracting the tiniest useful resource from the world around them, Mort knew that he was destined for greater and BIGGER things. Mort wanted to eat.

"Get in mah belly," Mort screamed at his lumpy porridge as he up-ended his feeding trough, emptying it in a single motion. Mort felt deep in his belly that something was wrong. Mort looked around in astonishment. "What could possibly be wrong here," Mort thought. It slowly dawned on him, there was no more food!

"Where is my food?" Mort demanded of his family. Mort's father, Kubajerk, came up to him, delivering a blow to Mort's face forceful enough to knock the food right out of his mouth.

"Mort. There will be no more food for you. You do not work. You do not mine. You are useless. Nothing but a fat slob. A disgrace to goblinkind," said Kubajerk. With that Kubajerk turned his face from Mort, and pointed to the door. "You are no longer welcome here, Mort"


Mort knew not what to do. How would he survive? Where would the fifteen cows, twelve horses, 26 gallons of beer, and one hundred thirteen loaves of bread necessary daily to sustain his enormous body come from?

With no further recourse, Mort flopped onto his belly and beseeched Angelique for assistance.

"Dearest beloved Angelique, I' HUNGRY," began Mort's prayer. His stomach rumbled as he said these words. He could go on no longer, famished beyond belief, he collapsed even further, waiting to die.

KABLAAAAAM! In front of Mort's eyes appeared the Giant Pie of Huma.

"I am Angelique come to save you," said the Giant Pie of Huma, "In return for my piely sustenance, you must pledge yourself to me, body and soul, and work unceasingly to vanquish my enemies."

In between bites of pie, Mort quickly mumbled an agreement.


Mort strode into his village loudly belching to get the villagers attention. "Attention Villagers! Abandon the ill wisdom of the Kubajerk or be bottomfeeded upon. Angelique will visit terrible plagues upon your houses until you relent and begin my daily feeding."

The Kubajerk quickly spit onto the ground.

Mort, knowing that the village would require its lesson before relenting, sequestered himself into a cave overlooking the village to begin his hunger strike in honor of Angelique.

The first plague that Angelique visited upon the village was the plague of untasty pies raining from the skies.

The villagers came to the Kubajerk and begged him to relent and feed Mort. "FILL MORT'S BELLY," they begged. "No I will not," retorted the Kubajerk.

The second plague that Angelique visited upon the village was the plague of scum fog. A dirty fog descended upon the village dirtying all of the village's windows. Even though people tried to fervently clean them, nothing could be done!

The villagers came to the Kubajerk and begged him to relent and feed Mort. "FILL MORT'S BELLY," they begged. "No I will not," retorted the Kubajerk.

The third and final plague that Angelique visited upon the village was the plague of fish soup. All of the food in the village was miraculously transformed into fish soup. Nobody could stand the taste or smell of it, but there was nothing left to eat!

The villagers came to the Kubajerk and begged him to relent and feed Mort. "FILL MORT'S BELLY," they begged. The Kubajerk could hold out no longer and finally relented to feed Mort.


A delegation from the village slowly trudged up the treacherous path to the cave bearing a huge cauldron of fish soup.

An enormous roar came from the cave as Mort smelled the fish soup. "MORT'S HUNGER CANNOT BE APPEASED BY FISH SOUP," Mort yelled as the villagers ran back down the path.

The next day the villagers came back up to the cave bearing sweet and succulent foods to appease Mort's hunger. They made a pledge to forever feed Mort each and every day.

To this day, on the anniversary of the day that Mort's hunger was appeased, the goblin people gather and celebrate the Day of Mort's Feast. The fattest goblin in each village is brought to the feast and all of the other villagers sit and watch while he eats.

The Worshippers of Mort, as they call themselves, attempt to live their lives in Mort's image by acquiring the means necessary to engorge themselves on food each and every night. The primary means to this end is large tracts of land! A Worshipper of Mort will do anything to acquire this land.


GM: Fattest of Them All
AGM: Hungry Enough 2 Eat an Ox
Squad Leader: Don't Bother Me I'm Eatin
Full Member: What Time is Dinner?
Member: Working on My Fifth Chin
Newbie: A Little Fat Fingered


This is the Worshippers of Mort's first age fighting for Angelique. May they appease their hunger.


Internal Guild Ranks

Rank One -- Fattest of Them All -- The fattest goblin of them all shall be Mort's and Angelique's favorite and shall lead the Worshippers of Mort in their quest to vanquish their hunger.

Rank Two -- Hungry Enough to Eat a Giant -- These are Worshippers of Mort entrusted with extraordinary powers. To attain this level of responsibility a WoM must eat an entire Giant raw in one sitting.

Rank Three -- Don't Bother Me I'm Eating -- These Worshippers are sure in their path towards Fatliness. They have reorganized their entire life around their feeding.

Rank Four -- What Time Is Dinner? -- These Worshippers have begun to ponder the essential dilemma of leading a Mortish life: What time is dinner if you never stop eating?

Rank Five -- Working on My Fifth Chin -- Aspiring Worshippers of Mort well engrossed in the path of feeding.

Rank Six -- Just a Little Fat Fingered -- These Worshippers are just beginning in the Ways of Fatliness as shown by the chubbiness of their fingers.

Order of Succession

If for some reason the GM is unable to fulfill their Responsibilities the AGM’s shall work as a team to fulfill the requirements until such time as they choose a new GM.


WoM is an invitation only guild. No applications will be accepted without first being invited.

Temper's Ball Rules

1)Do not make an ass of yourself

2)Do not post accusations of cheating

3) Do not post bug reports

4) Do not post other players numbers

5) Do not post redundant messages (no spamming)

6) Signatures are to be kept to 4 lines only.