Evernight Guild Archive

Guild Name:

CUTLERY LOVING OAFS (CLODS)

Created: 2003-02-28 01:13:37
Game: guild
Faith:

Charter

“ohhh!! Pass the potato!!”
Dragon was sitting in one corner of the round table while Porckie sat drinking dwarvin wine at the other. They had just returned from an enemy camp that had laughed at their pitiful force and turned them away with their arrows. They had long been contemplating on why they had lost so easily, as they had far outnumbered the enemy by 3 to 1.
“Sir,” piped up a brave servant “I do believe it has something to do with the fact that your army consists of, well, chickens sir”
“How dare you call my men cowards!! They are all highly trained and would die for Isonia!!”
“No sir, I mean, yes, they would die for Isonia, and yes they are most brave, but u have had half of the men in your army for dinner today, they die to go on your plate, they are actually chickens!!”
“Such insolent words!! Guards!! Take this man away and feed him to the hens!!” With that two chickens in armor strutted into the room to take away the vile servant.
“I’ve got it!!” shouted Porckie from his corner as he finished off his third chicken leg, removing a rather large splinter with a metal arrow headed tip. “It’s our weapons!! They’re not pointy enough!!”
Dragon thought for a minute (which involved babeling over and over to himself “I am a fish”), it was true!! Sheer genius!! Their pitiful beaks were no match for the swords and arrows of their enemies. “All we have to do is equip ourselves with sharper beaks!! Or, better weapons”
“Servants!!! Commence the sharpening of all our warriors’ beaks!! We must be ready to march before nightfall tomorrow!!” with that servants ran in all directions to start sharpening the beaks of helpless chickens, while the fort blacksmith commenced making new sharp ornamental strap on beaks for Porckie, and Dragon.

The potatoes were finally passed to Dragon, and he sat there eating away happily, knowing that soon the beaks would be sharp, and none could stand before them..
“Aghhh!! Dragon!! It’s a dragon!!! Help!!!” Dragon looked up to see a small uncooked frog leap off its plate towards the helpless Dwarf. Knowing that soon the small dragon would reach his friend Porckie, he had no time to call upon his guards (who were having there beaks sharpened at that moment anyway). Without his trusty strap on beak, he too, was weaponless, he pulled back his arm and flung it forward. The fork he was using to eat sped out of his hand and hit the dragon square in its rear end, burying itself handle-deep. It fell to the table before Porckie who picked up his spoon and started bashing it over the head to make sure it was dead.
Soon Dragon was babbling “I am a fish over and over while Porckie was mumbling “mur….mur….mur”. A candle appeared over Dragons head, which soon spilt wax on him sending him running around the room flapping his arms up and down until Porckie picked up his fork, and with deadly inaccuracy, hit dragons leg causing him to fall head first into the fountain instantly cooling his head.
“bubhub hub hub bub!!” came the shouts of dragon while his head was still underwater.
“Huh??” was all the Porckie could reply”
Dragon lifting his head out of the fountain before repeating “I’ve got it!!!”
“Well can I kindly have it back!!” shouted Porckie holding out his hand expectantly. “No!!! Not your missing copy of Isonia uncovered!!! An Idea!!!! That was surely a message from Isonia herself!! Why else, apart from the fact that I was eating with it, would I have a fork in my hand the exact moment that dragon attacked!!! Isonia has chosen our mighty weapons for us!!! We shall use forks!!
“What about spoons!! Surely it was a message from her that made me use my spoon to bash it over its head!! She must be telling us to use all types of cutlery!!”
And so it was that the armies of Porckie and Dragon were equipped with the latest forks spoons, and every other item of cutlery you could think of, and training begun. However it soon became obvious that their regular army were unable to master the new weapons and preferred their newly sharpened beaks. And so messengers went out to the peasants to come and join the army.

~~ THE NEXT DAY ~~

Soon all would learn to fear the massed ranks of phantom fork flingers, ninja salad tosser assassins, oversized ladle catapults, and even double handed spoon basher barbarians.
Dragon and Porckie walked at the front of the army armed with forks and a set of ornamental metal salad tossers at their sides. Soon they reached the camp that had defeated them the day before. Trained men set up giant ladles and loaded them with boiling soup made from the remnants of the previous army to throw at the encamped enemy.
“Surrender or feel the fork!!!” the reply of the enemy army was to hurl arrows at them again, so they launched the soup over the walls and ordered the army to charge.
Within minutes the battle was over. The camp was over-run by the fork flingers after the pestle men destroyed the gate.

Porckie and Dragon spent the next year training themselves in the way of the fork, until the fork was strong in both of them. Soon men came to join them, firstly old friends like Nagash, and Bassilius (who the fork was also strong in), and later men from far and wide who converted to Isonia to learn the way of the fork. Each of them brought their new weapons, from Nagash’s golden butter knives, to Bassilius’s giant potato mashers, and they all soon proved their worth in battle.

Soon there were enough to start a guild, and so they did, calling themselves the Cutlery Loving Oafs Doing Something, they vowed to serve Isonia, and teach everyone to fear her chosen weapons.

Ranks

GM: Masters of cutlery
AGM: Salad Tosser Assassins
Squad Leader: Butter Knife Battlers
Full Member: Phantom Fork Flingers
Member: Polishers
Newbie: Rust removers

History

this our first round!!

Rules

This guild is in it for a laugh, we have some of the most experienced players out there, and any1 who joins can expect to be taught how to become great as fast as we can. But most importantly taught how to have fun in the game without being annoying or just plain nasty.

And inactivity will be viewed upon with the instant throwing of forks in your general direction. So if u apply, u better play!!!

All applicants will be required to send the following information via email to ashbash3k@hotmail.com or chat to me on ICQ. 1. Kingdom information: including name, number, leadername, and which type of kingdom you will play. 2. Contact information: ideally ICQ, though MSN and AIM are accepted. 3. Game experience: both experience of Canon in general, and which guilds you have played for. If you have held any rank in Canon guilds, please indicate which ranks and in which guild. 4. Times you normally play the game, and which timezone you are in. 5. Whether you prefer forks or spoons. 6. At least one weapon that sounds cool, (ie, giant cake slicers for prying open gates) that is not mentioned in our charter.

Spirit: CLODS is focused upon three things – fun, stupidity, and forks.

Structure: 1 (gm/agm): Masters of cutlery – these ppl have trained hard to learn all techniques of cutlery fighting and are the true leaders. 2: Salad Tosser Assassins – these people are the most highly trained and trusted of the army. 3: Butter Knife Battlers – these people are the second in line, soon to be Salad tosser assassins, and more trusted than most. 4: Phantom Fork Flingers – these are the mainstay of any cutlery army and are trusted to go to war and not betray us. 5: Polishers – these people are slightly trusted and are allowed to look upon the great stocks of cutlery, but only to polish them 6: Rust removers – these guys are the least trusted new recruits, they are not even allowed to look upon or touch the cutlery, so have to do their job using blindfolds and thick gloves.

Promotion: Helping other members of the guild, or making good posts in guilds can gain this. But only people who the fork is strong within can reach the highest of ranks.

GM inactivity: If the Gm decides to go and hone his skills with the fork or spoon, the agm will take over, and then the trusted salad tosser assassins.

Rules: 1:Always keep your cutlery polished and free of rust, either frequent visits to the polishers, or doing it yourself, will accomplish this. 2:Always be as silly as possible, unless given permission do be otherwise by a master of cutlery or salad tosser assassin. 3: Never Attack some1 who is in a guild unless ordered to by a master of cutlery or salad tosser assassin. Unless of course we happen to be at war with that guild. 4: if we win, we will instantly start prodding the loser with forks, if we lose, we shall blame it on the rust removers.

Rules of Temper's Ball: 1. Do not make an ass out of yourself. 2. Do not post bug reports on the boards, over ICQ, or in the IRC room unless specifically asked by staff. 3. Do not spam or post redundant messages. 4. Do not post realm numbers or names on the boards. 5. Pornography, Piracy or other illegal material is not allowed. 6. Do not post links or advertisements to hate or Anti-Evernight sites. This includes racial, ethical, or sexually related sites.