Evernight Guild Archive

Guild Name:

REG AND HIS BOYS OF ASS WHUP (RAHBOAW)

Created: 2003-10-26 09:44:21
Game: guild
Faith:

Charter

GM: Ol' Reggie
Faith: Darden

Diskripshawn: This'yere is thur swarmp at de cenner uv de wurld. De furst kawlonists cawl it De Hinnerlains. It lahs raht daown thar b'low that thar Jeeyawnee Arkipeligo. Thar ain't no wun that lives'yere, cep'n thur gaddured trahbes uv me'n mah kin. But dere kemm a tahm in dur his'tree uv all this'yere rilijous fahtin' thayut, sum reelee stewpid sumbitches gawt it inta thar haids'at dis wuz de grate unchawrted frunteer.

An' so dem idjits stawrted sinndin' thim thar mishunarees inta mah swarmp.

De furst rilijawn t'sinn a mishunaree heer wuz thur cherch uv Dawrdinn. Yoo noe... thur 'demawn uv Timsad.' HAWRF! HAWRF! HAWRF! An' so, wun dae, dis'yere sumbitch in black robs shoed up'n stawrted proetezliasin' owt amung mah owter villujes.

Well, warnt lawng a'fore Ah dun heered abowt this idjut, a'so's Ah haid him brawt a'fore me. In shawrt awder, Ah kunvinssed him'at Ah wuz thur wun he haid t'kunvinss a'fore mah boys wud fawler enny sawrt uv Gawd.

A'so's ther we wur, me a'sittin' at mah dinner tebul an' him a'hangin' bah his heels trine t'git t'rew awl uv his speel a'fore his blud fild up that thar cawldrun that mah witch dawkturs haid put unnerneeth him. (Ah nebber said'at kunvinssin' him wuz hawrd! HAWRF!) Wail, thur lawng'n'shawrt uv it war thayut if'n me'n mah boys wud fawller Dawrdin, awl'is powur an' thangs wud be givun' unter us.

Awr sumpin' lahk'at.

I war kiahna bawred an' wishin' he'd go ahaid an' bleed t'daith whin he said sumpin'at kawt mah attenshawn.

"WHUT?" Ah yailed tew him.

His eyes war kahna rolin' up in his haid bah dis tahm, a'so's Lace haid ta go ober an' slap him a fyoo tahms a'fore he wuz ebbul t'tawk aginn.

Thin he dun said it aginn.

Ah blanked a fyoo tahms, then Ah hawllered, "YEW WARNT ME T'FAWLLER SUM STEWPID SUMBITCH HOO'S SIMBULL IS A GAWDAM BOWL!?? LACE, Kill'is idjut!"

An' so Lace kilt thur sumbitch. An' we dun et purty wail'at naht.

An' so sev'rul munths passed in peese in de swarmp. Ah kahna figgured awl'em dumbaisses rote us awf as a lawss, but den wun day, anudder mishunaree kemm walkin' inta mah swarmp. Kat keem up t'me an tawled me'at dis wun war tawkin' t'awl de vilujers abowt sevvin' dere soles an' justiss an' gudness an' thangs. Wail, ain't no wun eber sed dat Ol' Reggie ain't a fare warwuff, a'so's Ah gev thur mishunaree from Furret a chainse t'kunvinss me a'jes lahk Ah gev thur wun frawm Dawrdinn a chainse. (A'sahds, 'at wun frum Dawrdinn' tested kahna gud!)

A'so's mah gurl dun brawt de Furret mishunaree inta taown an' in shawrt awder, we haid him a'hangin' ober a sloe fahr, t'speed thur kukin' prawsiss alawng. (Yoo noe, in kess he kudn't kawnvinss me. HAWRF!)

An' so thar we wur, me chooin' awn sum lef'ober grissul frawn sum stewpid sojers 'at kemm inta mah swarmp thur week a'fore an' the Furret mishunaree kawfin' throo thur smoke and a'spyooin' awl'is gawbuldegook abowt did, dat, and de awther. Ah war jes' abowt t'tail Kat t'kut owt de sumbitch's tung t'shut him up, whin he dun said sumpin' kahna innerestin'.

"Whut wuz thayut?" Ah demainded p'lahtlee.

He kawfed a li'l and purtended he kuden't unnerstain' whut Ah wuz sayin'. An' lahk enny nawrmal feller, thayut hert mah feelins. A'so, Ah moshuned fer Kat t'dew sumpin' an' she did an', whut do yew noe, de sumbitche's kawmperhinshun sud'nlee gawt a hol lawt bettur. HAWRF!

An' so he dun sayud whut he sayud a'fore, an Ah noed that Ah wuz raht. With Rahtchuss angur, Ah yailed, "WHUT THE HAIL? YEW WARNT ME T'WURSHIP SUM MAWRAWN HOO'S SIMBULL IS A GAWDAM STICK!?? WHUT THE HAIL IS RAWNG WIT' YEW PEEPULL?? KAT, sevv me thur Gizzurd!"

An' Kat sevved me thur gizzurd.

An' so, asahd frawm sum purty nahse feests, ain't nuthin' war kummin' owta awl'ese varuss attimps at kawnvirtin' thur swarmp. Ain't no wun kum f'r at leest seb'n yeers aiftur thayut. Ah kahna thawt'at thim dumb sumbitched fahn'lee gev up. An' Ah warnt tew upsaht abowt'at. Jes' ment'at we haid t'go owt an' subsist awn sojer meet, instaid uv thur much sawfter an' kahna d'lishus mishunaree meet. But thin wun dae, a warman a'kemm walkin' inta mah swarmp jes' lahk she dun owned thur plase.

An' unlahk thur mishunaress uv Dawrdinn an' Furret, she keem t'thur cenner uv thur swarmp instaid uv wastin' hur tahm in thur owter villujes. Ah wuz sleepin' unner a willer tree whin Unc a'keem up ter me an' tol' me she war heer. A'so's Ah rowsed mahsailf frum mah sleep and dun wint t'see her.

"Whut thur hail dew yew warnt?" Ah aksed perlahtlee.

Behan' her, Kat an' Lace war gittin' thur kawldrin reddy.

"You are Reg, " she sedd, "the one that they call the old wolf of the woods."

"A'yawp, " Ah yawrned. "Ah awreddy noed hoo Ah am. Whut the hail dew yew warnt?"

"You are to become the warlord of Isonia, " she sedd. "The prophets have foreseen it."

An' thar wuz much laffin' among thur boys. Ah wuz beginin' t'feel kahna baid in advanss abowt eetin' her. Ah lahk folks wit' gud sinnses uv hoomer.

"Hoo thur hail is Isonyu?" Ah aksed. Kat graibed her an' began t'preepar her fawr thur kawldrin. Thur gurl wuz kahna weerd. She din't seem a'feered lahk thur uther mishunarees war. She jes' a'kep' starin' ait me. S'fahnlee, Ah moshuned fer Kat t'staip back. She din't seem happee 'bowt it, but she did.

Dis warman tode me, "You have already rejected the missionaries of Darden and Foret. The tales of the depravations that you visited upon them have reached the ears of the great Foretian and Darden alliances. They have formed death squadrons to invade and raze your swamp."

Ah grinned, "Wail, if'n Ah lait yew owtta heer, tell'm t'brang it!"

She dun luked a lil' anoyd, a'lahk mebbe'at ansur warnt whut she war lukin fer, "Their numbers are endless, Old Reg. They will come and come. And in the end, no matter how many your legions of werewolves slay, they will slaughter your kin and fire this entire region."

"Ah ain't afeered uv no sojers, " Ah eksplaned to her, wund'rin whah she war so dumb, "We dun kilt sojers eber sinns awl'ese wars dun stawrted. An' lahk Ah tod'em mishunarees, Ah ain't a'fawlerin' no dayum gawds'at use sticks'n'bowls fer dere gawdam simbuls! Ah ain't gon' fawler wun'at's gawt a spuun awr a plate neether!"

She sawrta smahled whin Ah sedd dat an' aksed, "So what symbol would you follow?"

"Ah dunno, " Ah said, stawrtin' t'git tahred uv awl'is. Ah moshuned fer Kat to git awn wit'it an stawrt kukin'is krazee warman.

"Isonia is the Lady of the Axe, old wolf of the woods, " she sedd as Kat grabbed her.

Ah terned 'rown, "Axe?"

She smahled at me. An' Ah sawrta smahled baick.

An' so that's how it dun begun. 'At's purty much d'way it happuned. 'An so heer Ah am, an Isonyun warlord. Don' noe 'bowt no parfisees awr ennythang lahk'at. Awl Ah noed is'at thur tahm hus kum amd me an' mah boys awr in thur mud to whup sum ass.

HAWRF!

Ranks

GM: Reggie!!!!!
AGM: Ermmm
Squad Leader: Asswhuppin' sumbitches!
Full Member: Magickin' Mofo's!
Member: Spahs!
Newbie: Skanky Ho's!

History

HAWRF! We am baick!

Rules

Chawtur: Ranks

1.) Reg
2.) Ever'wun aelse.

If'n Reg cain't dew his jawb, Kat an' Unc will dew it fawr him until Lace whups Reg's ass inta doin' it aginn.

Rewls

1.) Whup ass.
2.) If'n y'don' whup ass, Reg will et yew.
3.) Dey weel be udder rewls, but Reg ain't t'awt uv dem yet.
3a.) Don't thank Ah fergawt abowt rewl 3.
4.) If'n you dun forgit rewl 1, you'ns weel git rewl 2.

Advanssment

1.) If'n yew ain't Reg, yew ain't nev' gon' be in charge, so's yew maht as wael hang dat up raht naow.

Dese are de rewls y'gotta foller when rahtin' awn de messij bords.

1.) If'n y'make an ass uv yerself awn TB, Reg will pawp yer ahballs aout lahk grapes.
2.) If'n yew accuse sumwun o'cheatin', Reg will rip yer arm frum its sawket.
3.) If'n y'post a damn bug report on TB, Reg will et yer spleen.
4.) If'n y'post sumwun's kingdom name'r number, Reg will rip yer spine aowt.
5.) If'n y'spam TB, Reg will et yer branes.

T'Join up, y'gotta:

1.) Sind ol' Reg a message at dis'yere email address. If yer lucky, Reg won't be a'hongry an' jes deesahd to come git sumthin' t'et. He maht e'en let ya join up, if'n he's inn a reelly good mood.

michael.dale.thompson@enmu.edu

Or If'n yer feelin' pertickly brave'r stoopid, contact Ol' Reg at icq #164081272. An sumtahms he eben hangs around awn AIM wit' de username Reglidan.