Comments please.

[Realto]

Untitled

Darkness thunders, breaking upon my door and gnawing at my thoughts like a festering hound. It hungers for that part of me. That part the stench of which would turn a brave man's stomach. Blood it craves, the wretched life-water that has chilled in expectation of that imposing touch. A touch that comes unseen and leaves in silence.

Memories. Spectres in coats restrained, do crack their heads upon the walls. Tearing at rusted locks with blunted teeth. Traps shut on the unwary, trapping fond reverie before that fleeting hare can fly. Feathers, rainbows of black and white, fall like rain, seeping into the deepest reaches. Their softness belies their wicked strength.

Fruit fresh picked, doth rot too easily, or fall's foul to a tyrant's grip. "Release me!" It cries. "You hold me too close! I am no thorn clad rose!" But tighter still the grip becomes. Petals scatter, never to reform. "I die!"

And still the darkness thunders. Still it knocks my door. Still it goads me and poisons my heart. I see masks dance. Grin and Weep. Two devils mocking from their heavenly perches. Two feathers of ebony and ivory, one rose one thorn!

I stand and sit alone. I feel the crutch of silence supporting me, and yet I feel the embrace of tenebrious fear coax my being. To be alone is three fold. We fear solitude, and yet we souls do fear togetherness. Seeing it all in crystal clarity requires losing everything.

How can we understand what we do not know? I question thy sympathy, thou cannot know my multidunal pain. Envy comes easily to me, looking at thy angel form inspires my very being to lust. I am the lost and wandering beast that doth lust the ocean. Thy salty waves offer my fiery agony a quenching answer. But I am soon drowned for my thirst by thy false solution.

Too many times do I desire the final truth, and still thou offer me thy bible soundings. The carrot doth not strengthen the donkey! It simply leadeth the creature to those salty waves of final slumber. Light is darkness in this valley. The valley of death. Here where shadows doth herald the illusionary salvation that is the puppet master's strings.

True salvation heralds in silent harmony.

The raven drape doth close upon this weary shell. My fingers clutch thy singular hope, whilst Gabriel's horn doth beckon me on. As the sun doth weep at passing from the moon, I weep at passing from thy unwanting grace. Frost marks thy flesh. I see no lover's tear in thine eye. Lips curl before me. The rose doth die.

Oh silken touch divine. That cruelest fate should tear thee from my reach. Thou art Aphrodite fortified. Oh foul beautiful world! Oh tarnished precious gold! Thine ignorance to my screams of woe! Thy mockery! That I might cradle thy poisoned blessing one last time!

Enough. Let the battles be forgotten. May sacrifice be unknown. May Summer's night be but the dream of lovers true. I depart. Peace like a tempest finds me and delivers me. Begone foul shadows at my door. I quell thee with indifference. Pain enough has been felt by this mortal coil. The Hourglass turns. Oh dearest hope be answered at my wake.

Who knocks now at my door?

((I still need to come up with a name for the piece, and it probably needs some tightening up. But my first real shot at old-school prose.))

[lexys]

I like it. Some of it I'm not sure I understand fully, but the words set up the mood effectively anyways and it has a nice poetic feel. There's some really nice images in here, just a few examples being of the sun that weeps from parting from the moon, which reminds me of an old folktale, and the carrot that leads the donkey onwards. I like a lot of the lines here-- "we fear solitude..." and the last full paragraph. I could go on, but I'll just say this is good, imo. As for a title, I'm awful at that kind of thing so I'll leave that alone. =P