Randomthoughts of me.

- A forum for writers. Poetry in all its forms, short stories, long stories, novels and everything in between welcomed.

Postby Dauthi » Fri Feb 06, 2004 1:25 am

A gold’n Knights, midnights flights.
A sleepless night, villagers fight.
I ask you tonight, with all my might.
Do onto me right, don’t walk into the light.


---------------------------------------------------

The empty thoughts of hollow words and promisses fill my head wondering why I put myself through this bullshit, I ponder why I care, who is worth my time, yet I waste it, giving it away to the wrong, to them who dont’ deserve it, to them who wont apperciate that in which I am, and I sit here buring up deap down inside wanting to much more, want to be wanted, wanted to be accepting and loved. Yet there is nothing I can to do it, its like I’m being punished, god has taken judgement upon me and decided to punish me for what, what have I done to deserve this? What have I done to desrve this feeling of emptyness, this feeling of being alone and unwanted? Why is it I can’t find that one, person that will make my life worth living, who will make me close my eyes at night with a smile and wake up in the morning ready to embrase the day?
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Mon Feb 09, 2004 1:55 am

Who am I?

I am nobody, I am that person who you pass by on the street while you talk to your friends. I am the massive body of people who no one notices. I'm looked over. I am the nothing. You don't see me when you search for you friends. You don't see me in the crowd of people. I am nobody.

I am Nobody. I'm the Ghost. The Ghost of human existance. When you walk into me you don't turn to say your sorry, you don't notice. You keep walking on through. When I speak you don't hear my words. You don't notice my warnings to the ill wrongs that are about to happen to you. My words pass through you hears as the wind would. I am the person who fills the empty void of mass people. I am nobody.

I am Nobody. When I scream you don't turn. When I cry you don't care. When I die you won't morn, you wont notice, or even do anything. I am the empty void in life, I am the nothingness that provides a empty soul to travel the world. I am Nobody.

Who are you?

You are Alive. Your words ring high in amoung the voices of the masses. Your words are heard, and followed. When you speak the world turns and listens. They hang on to every word you say, waiting for the next word as if it was the gift of life itself, they hovel at your feet and beg for you words. You are alive.

You are Alive. When you walk into a room everyone turns to notice your prences. As you walk into the masses of nobodies, we move, creating a path, as not to interpute your path, a path that we woreship and only wish to walk For you are alive.

You are alive. When you smile the sun raises, from the deap darkness of the earth to brighten all of our day, to warm our skin so that we may feel the warmth of careness you provide. When you cry, the clouds of dread embrace the sky and pours rain down onto us, so that we may feel the pain and sorrow that you feel, for you are alive.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Thu Feb 12, 2004 2:38 am

The empty soul of darkness eats slowly away at my insides as I lay here twitching silently inside alone in the cold dark solidute that I have been placed in. The curse of my life laugh at means with ever kind word you say to me, every jester of happyness I provide in your life is a testiment to my downfall as a person and feeds the ever growing moster of dread and disspear that will slowly eat at me until I am no more, eating until I snap and break forth from the curse, hurting you and everyone else who blindly feeds off my curse to help them in their life, guiding them in happyness, and dread. Nothing I do or say will ever change this, for the road has already been built, and paved. The car of life, is speeding down, toward this walk of dispear, and when I impact this wall I hope that I have pushed you and everyone else far enough way from me that my rain of terror, and hate, does not spill forth onto your lifes, destroying what goodness you have inside you, destroying the goodness and joy that I have slaved over many years to get installed in all my friends, for my dread and death spills forth onto your life then you will become a raining desiesed, creature of hate and unforgivness that I can no longer help for my mind will have been taken by the darkness that consumes us.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Tue Feb 17, 2004 2:58 am

I hate being such a positive person.
I hate being able to make you laugh.
I hate being able to make you smile.
I hate being able to stop you from crying.
I hate being a positive person.

I hate that my thoughts are never heard.
I hate that my dreams are never filled.
I hate that you don’t listen.
I hate that you will never know.
I hate that my thoughts.

I hate the emptyness inside.
I hate the lonelyness that resides.
I hate the pain.
I hate the desire to love.
I hate the emptyness.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Tue Feb 17, 2004 2:58 am

Every time I see you walking across the room staring at me with them deep dark green eyes, looking right through me as if I’m not here, a knott twist deap inside, burning and pulling at my insides, grinding them up slowly with dull blades so it ripps the tissue instead of slicing through it.

Every time you turn away from me toward him, I feel the cold blade of betryal upon my back slowly carning into my spinalcord. Digging deaper into my back
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Sun Feb 29, 2004 4:02 pm

Alone I seem to be. Alone in my room, by myself with only my thoughts to bring me joy and happiness, to bring my comfort, to bring me to a place of silence, a place of serenity. It often times brings none of these things, it bring me pain, and sorrow, uneasiness and hate. I think of the things from past I think of things I should of done or said, and realize what I am, how much I have lost, how much I pushed myself away from all of you. Destroyed myself from the inside, bring myself down. My thoughts, alone in my head destroyed the self image, the self confidence, destroying me. I dream of being someone, someone who changes the world, who makes a difference to be remember, and not to be forgotten but I can never bring myself to it, to bring myself to do something about it, to change the history of life, to make a difference in someone’s life enough to remember, to be looked upon in a light of joy and happiness. I wish to change, I do, but I can’t, I can’t do it because I’m scared. Scared of what I don’t know, scared of the future, scared of being something I’m not. I’m scared that I will not be able to handle it, I will become something so disgusting, so hateful and disrupted that It would destroy everything I stand for, it would destroy the years code and honor I have built up for myself the honesty I have created. I’m scared that changing would do more damage then good. I would end up in more trouble then I could ever imagine.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Tue Apr 27, 2004 11:12 pm

A silent cry for help escapes your lips I lean in closer. I slowly moved my hands from your shoulders to your neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. You eyes widen as you grasp for air, tears fall from the big green eyes. I lean in and lick them off your check, and place my forehead on yours. I stair deep into your eyes watching as the pain I inflect onto you slowly fills your eyes. Until they grow cold, and you body falls silent and numb. I start to release my gripe from your neck and place my index fingerer on your lips. "Shhh" I whisper, "Life is better now!” as I kiss you goodbye.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Wed Apr 28, 2004 9:09 pm

A silent gust blows your hair into your face; a sudden uncomfortable feeling falls upon your body as you pause. You slowly turn around to look back into the dark alley you had just left, you eyes search for something, any sort of movement. You move your hand slowly into your purse waiting for them eyes you feel watching you to grab form and jump at you. Your eye bulbs shift in your small fragile head looking for something, anything. You mind races, wondering what has been following you, breathing down your neck, whispering in your ears the faint words of death. You start to walk backwards a few steps, as you turn around you feel a sharp, yet blunt object enter into you. You quickly move your hands down to your abdomen and feel what feels like a knife. It twists and tears start to flow from your eyes, you look down at your hands covered in blood. You feel your legs slowly give away from you, as the man who just penetrated you body grabs a hold of you and slowly takes you to the ground, as he leans in to whisper in your ears you hear, "Goodnight my love, may both of you rest in peace"
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Thu Apr 29, 2004 11:51 pm

I watch silently from behind the closest door, I see you shift ever so slightly and make a small grunt as you turn your head away from me. I close my eyes and image the dream you are having, dreaming of your dream guy asking you out, taking you to out to dinner and treating you like royalty. A smile comes to my face, and I open my eyes and slowly open the door as to avoid making to much noise. I step from the dark closest into the lightly lighten room by the moonlight, creep silently pass you cloths you left laying on the floor toward your bed. I reach down and move a piece of hair from you face, and see a small smile rise on your lips, 'that must of been when he lead in and kissed you', I thought to myself. I reach into my jacket and pull out a 9mm pistol with a silencer on it and place it right behind your ear. "May god love as much as I!" I whisper as I pull the trigger releasing a small copper bullet from the camber of my gun. It burst into the back of your splattering blood all up the bedpost, along the pill and back onto my face. Brain matter bubbled out from the gapping hole in your skull and spilled forth onto your white linen sheets. I lower my weapon as smoke rises from its barrel. I raise two figures to my mouth and silently kiss them, then placed them on your lips.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Mon May 03, 2004 6:36 pm

The power of words is beyond me. Through words dreams are created. Through words hearts are broken. Through words wars are started and ended. Words provide us with a reason, and fill our heads with doubt. Words make people famous, and bring terror and pain to others. Words are the most powerful creation man has made. Along a single word is useless, and powerless, when strung together with other words and written down they can create a tidal wave of emotions. The spoken word can motivate a masse of men to run head strong to their death for what ever glory, the spoken word can make a calm rational man, enraged and mad with fear and terror. While words may be able cut, stab, and slice or shoot you, they are just as powerful as any gun or bomb, they do as much damage, and are able to kill you, and scare you emotional to the point of suicide. The words of wise men are often remember and quoted, and the words of the morons are often quoted and mocked. We are all trained from an early age to use words in our life, to quote the men we feel are smart and wise, and to dream of ways to use words to better ourselves, even at the expense of others. Man created words, and like all other creations man has made it has been used to gain power over other men. It has been used to degrade, insult, mock and bring terror to them who are weaker, so that them who are stronger can upgrade, expand, grow and be happier. The powerful use it on the weak, and the weak use it to feel better about them selves. The poor have used it to gain power.

We use words to express emotions, dreams and desires. We use words to relax from a stressful situation. We use words to get stuff off our minds. We use words to feel accepted. Yet we have such a hard time understanding each others words, we read them and comment on them. Understanding that sometimes it is hard to say what you want to so you do it other ways. Sometimes it is hard to write out the, “I’m alone in the world.” With out feeling like you’re a moron how is trying to get attention. Sometimes it is hard to write out and express the feeling of joy when someone is around or the feeling of sadness when they leave. So when you try, you do it in a way no one knows, or could tell so they never understand you. You do it so that it looks like nothing is wrong with you at all, that while life passes you by, and leaves you alone and cold, you are content with it. The words you want to use are there, hidden among the others, written in to a mass of words so that they are covered from the eyes of the ones they are meant to be seen by, cause your scared of what might come from them, what might happen if you let down your guard and used the words that you so dreadfully fear, yet so desired. The fear of the words that might be said in return, the words of rejection, hate, but the desire for the words of joy and love. Sometimes it is hard to write what you want to write. Sometimes you wish you could just forget them and move on. Some times it is easier to write something else. Sometimes it is easier to forget; sometimes it is easier to just no write anything at all.

The Meaning of Life is to Gain Experiences.


If life is about experiences, what experiences would you have to fulfill before life is no longer worth living, when does the creator draw the line and say, you have all your experiences for this life, time to start over, here is your next list? Experiences such as joy, sadness, love, hate, acceptance, being rejected, being totally right and totally wrong.

TBC…….
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Sun May 09, 2004 3:19 am

As you slowly start to come to wake, try to move your arms and realize that they are tied behind your back. You open your eyes and look across the empty room, the noise of the television blared in the back ground, blocking out any sounds that you might be able to hear. You roll around on the bed looking some sort of sign of recognition. As you are rolling around you end up falling of the bed, land shoulder first into the hard floor with a big thud. “You’re awake!!” my voice rang from the other room. You look around frantically as you recognized the voice yet are unable to place a face to it. You hear me walking toward you, you watch my shoes slowly cross the room and plant themselves in front of your face. You feel me lean down and place my hands on your shoulders and start to drag you, scared and frantic you fight, and squirm as I drag you across the room toward the room I cam from. The closer and closer we get the louder and louder another noise becomes apparent to your ears, the noise of running water. I drag you into the other bathroom, as you squirm, and scream, “Shhhhh, come on now, you don’t want to wake the neighbors!”, I mutter to you as I set you up against the side of the bathtub. I lean down and look at you in your face, and then you realized who I was, your eyes widen as you realized what was about to happen. I lean in and give you a kiss on the forehead, as I turn the water off. “This wont hurt my love! It is what is best for both of us.” I place my hand under your armpits and lifted you into the tub of water. As your body splashes into the cold water your pupils shrink as your eye balls start to glaze over. As your body splashes into the cold water your pupils shrink as your eye balls start to glaze over with fear. You start to squirm and kick your feet to push you head over the water line; I reach down with my hands and place one firmly on the top of your head, holding it firmly at the bottom of the tub, while the other hand reached around your feet to old them still. It only took a couple of minutes before you body feel silent and lifeless at the bottom of the pool of water, but each second that you were under there seemed like an eternity as your body craved and gasped for the oxygen to feed its lungs, slowly caving in on themselves and filling with water, flooding your body with water.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Mon May 31, 2004 1:25 pm

Here I lay covered in my own sweat and tears. As pain shoots out from the recently vacated void, a void that was once filled with the innocents of my inner child.

My body falls silent, cold and empty, as the once beautiful untainted and care free spirit that once filled it and bought to me my very existence to life, giving me joy, love and happiness, left, leaving me with a useless pile of bones covered by a dieing layer of skin, scared and confused.

As the first tear fleas my body at the thought of you, a small light gray cloud, that shows no sign of harm is given birth too, in one of the deepest and darkness of all the cavities in this recently abandon void with in me, but it is not long before this small gray cloud that was innocent turns towards the darkness, slowly festering in this dark cave unnoticed being feed by the very poison that causes the tears to fall from my eyes when i hear your name ring inside of my thoughts, and once joyful dreams.

It grows thick as the mud and dark as the midnight sky after the gods themselves remove the stairs from the heavens, poisoning everything it touches, causing me more pain, sorrow and despair that fills my fragile mind, causing it to send more poison down to this void feeding it more, and more, making it grow faster with each day, month and year that I pass through.

I hold the it all in, the hole vile disgusting cloud of poison that you gave to me them many years back, holding it back in my corpse of a body, fragile and frighten to the bone.

Forcefully stopping the disease from escaping and invade the world infecting yet another young and innocent child, that is filled with dreams of happiness, and joy.

Once in a while I slip up, letting the dark force of poison to flow freely from the very cavity that I hold it in, causing extreme heartache and unforgiving tears of pain and suffering to all it touches.

I Forcefully fight this disease back in, swallowing it all back down into the void, that was once beautiful and innocent, but now is dark and destructive, allowing it to fester and grow until it grows so powerful and large that It no longer takes up residence in the dark empty void, but it is I who now a prisoner of it, as I lay in the fetal position in the wonding how it had come to this, mean while it takes control over everything that I once was, laying claims to the very corpse that you tarnished so many years back.

Now it is ready to come back and pay a visit its creator.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Tue Jun 15, 2004 12:10 am

Everytime I sit down to write another thought, another dream or another nightmare. It takes me a minute to figure out what is truely running through my mind, what is bothering me. Then once I figure that out I simple try to find a way to kill it, or nurse it. Now this time, I have things on my mind. Lots of things. So much that I cry when I sleep. I'm not sure what is bothering me the most, what is bring me to this point. To the point where all I want is someone to hug me, to hold me. Someone to wash away the pain, and anger. Fill the empty void, and bring a smile to my face. I try to surround myselfs with my friends, people who have been with me through some of the weirdest parts of my life, helping me with out realization, for that usualy helps. Sitting around listening to them talk, joke and play. Let their joy rub off onto me, filling me with the joy I need to last. The more I surround myself with my friends the more I want to be alone. The more I'm alone the more I want to just dissapear. Vanish, not from my friends or my family but from my soul, from myself. I want my thoughts, my desires, and dreams to slowly fade away, taking with it my soul and me. Leaving my body to rot, and live out the pathic life I left it.

*sighs*
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby bd_redman58 » Tue Jun 15, 2004 12:26 am

ooc: For roughly the past 3 years I have been suffering from dysthimia, a unipolar behavioral disorder. In lamens term, its like having depression, like being bipolar with no mania swing. It sucks, its a fight, and when im down and out i like to write. This is something I wrote one night cause i was crying in my bed frustrated that I couldnt fall asleep because one of the main symptoms of behavioral disorders is an inability to sleep. I dont title my poems, Titles are cliches to me, hallmarky. I use titles when im writing a hallmark poem, and this poem will never be in a greeting card. When you write what your feeling, you cant revise it, every first draft is a final draft, so in some parts it gets choppy, but its real.

Who are you
Who the fuck are you
leave me alone
leave me the fuck alone

proceed, carry on , play
its not your mind
i'll shake you, oh i'll shake you yet
someday comes tighten your grip

im mad, im pissed, im so alone
next stop: depressed, damn these one way streets
always coming never going, you are strong my friend
but watch out, the shadows talk
not even I know what they say
but watch your back
cause yours is mine
but im sick, your fine
that make no sense
when we are on the same

who are you sir, whats your name
just go about your bidding
leave me out youre nothing to me
so long as me is not I
me, me, me go away me
I wants his turn again
he has got some friends or so I hear
who wish to put you down
and forget you like amnesia
For I is lost and does not know
events from day to day
but you'll be sorry nasty me
For I'll be back some day

Somday comes tighten your grip
cause you wont be coming back
but a part of me will remain
and push I forward and forward
for you are not me, nor me is I
but you and me exist
I is out waiting wouldnt you know
I hear he is quite pissed
For he is lost, a wanderer wondering, wondering where to go
his friends all follow whereever he may lead:
Happy joy and solitude striding without fear
For my immortal nature allows my mind to bleed

You smell it? The do brings shivers to my hair
Time is what you got
But time is on my side
your deal with the devil aint so bad
and soon enough you'll see
that when it comes to duties call
I will side with me
You think you've won the battle
you think you've won the war
but the victors write the history
and my weapon is my pen

A call to arms, I wanders near
you are running out of tomorrows
so fuck yourself, leave me alone
aomeday comes, tighten your grip
Im gonna name my next kingdom 'The' and yell at you all for posting my kingdom name
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Postby Lady Eva » Mon Jun 21, 2004 4:03 pm

Dauthi, your work is really powerful and quite 'raw' (in that good way which delivers a sense of sincerity). Keep writing, I enjoyed reading.
She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. Oscar Wilde
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Postby Dauthi » Wed Jun 23, 2004 11:38 pm

A bright colorful array of hope fills my mind, flooding my emotions with endless happiness, drowning out the thoughts of sorrow. It’s as if an angel from heaven has walked into my heart, turning on ever light and warming up the oven as it makes it self at home. I can feel the warmth of joy fill the cold empty spaces that once surrounded my cold tired soul, bring it back to live. I feel the years of dread shed from my body as a snake would shed its skin, being reborn with a new inner child, full of hope, and innocents.

All I want to do is share this feeling with you, the feeling you give me. I want you to know that you cause this feeling, this joy. I want to share it with you, make you feel the same way as I do. I want you to smile back when I smile at you; I want you to think of me when I’m not around. I want to be able to walk up to you and place my arm around you, hug you or even sit next to you without you hesitating, without you feeling uncomfortable. I want to make you smile. I want to make you laugh. I want to make you happy. I want you to want me like I want you.

I know deep down that this will never come to pass. I know that I’ve already failed. I know that the feeling I get when your around is only one sided. That in no way will, the feeling I have for you, ever be returned. For I am the cursed, cursed to friendship, cursed to loneliness and emptiness. I know that no matter how strong I feel for you that you will never feel the same, that you can’t feel the same. No matter how much I try, or how nice I am, it will never be, it can never be, the powers that be, the ones that make me feel this way, only tease me with your company. They mock me, as you walk out that door toward yet another one of your boy toys, not knowing that it is I who reaches for you that will do all he that is in his power to make you happy.

Yet you leave, waving your hand and smiling taking with you the colorful array of hope. Leaving me alone, and empty once more. Letting my soul slowly freeze over into the bitterness it will for ever be. Not know what you have done to me, you promise to come back, you promise to see me again, to stay my friend. I curse the gods that gave me this life, who forced this torture upon my soul. I cursed I am, for ever alone and empty, left with only the dream of joy. Yet with that dream I survive, I push forward day in and day out. A dream that someday, someone, who fills me with the life I need will come into my life, and notice me.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Sun Jul 04, 2004 6:28 pm

I silently walk through this over crowed, aggressively uncaring world of ours. Ignoring the verbal bashing all of you create, degrading, insulting and spewing vile words of self-righteousness hatred. I try my hardest not to fall victim to the insistent hypocrisy that oozes from you. I escape from this world of ignorance by hiding myself away in my room slowly allowing myself to become detached from society. Allowing what was at one time my personal escape from society to become my very own personal world. A new world hidden deep with in the darkest cavities of this self-deteriorating plan of existence, allowing the sounds of the filth infested water that seeps down the walks to drown out the excessive insults from above. I allow my inner child to take control of my mind, spreading the feeling of giddiness throughout my body. Ignorantly, I allow myself to fall into a coma of mindless bliss; paying no attention to the every growing dangers that are invading my once peaceful surroundings, for I was lost playing in a land that my mind had created for me.

Suddenly awaken just in time to watch the last few piece of ceiling crashing loudly against the floor around me causing the floor where I lay to vibrate. As the dust settled around me, the black void of nothingness above me becomes clear as does the realization that by hiding myself from society for so long that I managed to dig myself a pit. I dug a pit so deep, and so dark that even the light of day could not been seen.

The first few drops, at this time could only be described as mucus fell from the heavens above, as I stood up. I, ignorantly, paid not attention to them only worrying about how I was going to get out of this god forsaken tome that I dug. With out realization, that which seemed to be only a few random drops of slimy snot, quickly turned into what seemed like runny oatmeal, falling in streams. Confusion started to settle in while I stood in the middle of the pit wondering what crime against society I performed to find myself in this pit as it rained filth upon my head. As I pondered this question over and over rattling my brain over it, I once again find myself getting lost within my own thoughts, but this time it only seemed to be for a few minutes. I kept questioning myself, paying no attention to the now slush that was falling until a large goop of it fell upon my head.

As the thicker clumpy cream flowed from above, pouring down onto me as I swing my arms frantically bating it out of my face. Running around in this hole I try to escape the steadily growing mass of mush that seems to fall like never ending strains of gray goop. I feel my soul being trapped as a thick coat of mush paints it self onto my skin; Hardening at first impact, while the rest splatters all around me. The goop gathers around my feet slowly covering them, forcing my legs to grow weaker with every passing moment. I could feel my heart race as the pressure to escape get stronger. I look up to the void to plead for mercy, but all I can see looking down upon me are the eyes. The eyes of who that have used my ever giving soul with out ever saying, “Thank you.” A cold and distant glare, looking down upon me, is all I can see in their eyes. I attempt to kick my legs free of this muck but it is as if they have frozen to the floor. Then it dawn upon me that it is only a matter of time before this cavern is filled, and I’m frozen in a pile of goop until the end of time. That will sit silently alone only to be remembered by the dirt that surrounds this pit. Closing my eyes I desperately scream a plea for help, knowing that no one that would help could possibly hear my plea. I scream, “Mercy,” louder yet all I hear is laughter and mocking coming from them darken eyes glaring down upon me. I get a sickening feeling that this goop that is falling upon me is nothing more then a culmination of all the insults and mockery that I have borne throughout my entire life. I feel their eyes burning with joy as they gleefully watch me slowly drown my bog of sorrows. I feel its hands of death slowly closing in on me, fervently suffocating me as they ecstatically watch. I cry out for help and mush pours faster, suffocating my existence slowly to death.

All I can see is their glaring eyes; hearing only the mocking laughter as it consumes what remands of the empty space. I pray that someone out there cares enough, that they would reach down into this dark pit of mine and pull me free. Is there anybody willing to reach down and pull me from this bog? Willing to wash away all my tears? Willing to wash my body clean of all the filth that saturates my life? Who in this dark world would care enough about me that they would willingly set me free to roam blissfully in the lands of tranquility?

Growing numb as my body slowly sinks deeper, I am forced to only dream of what it would be like to be free. Idolizing a land were I could endlessly roam around, unlike my pit, were I’m confined by these walls. Envisioning thoughts of what I would do if I came across my pit and imagining what it would look like from above, looking down. Telling myself that one day this disgusting gray mush, that is taking me from this life will harden and become a gigantic pillar; a pillar towering over the lands. Reminding them of the horrible pains they inflicted upon me. A horrific thought entered my mind only a mater of minutes before it was all over, a thought that if this could happen to me there must be thousands of others like me. Each of them will have their own pillars, as this thought entered my mind tears poured from my eyes. These tears did not fall in self pity like most would assume, but instead they fell for those others who had to suffer through out their lives with degusting scare on their soul. Scares that could have easily been avoided if them with the eyes that glare down upon us, would have cared enough in their hearts to read down and save them, as I hope someday someone will save me.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Postby Dauthi » Fri Oct 01, 2004 7:30 am

I allow my thoughts and desires to dance around freely inside my head, randomly allowing them seap into my twisted words of my life. Words writing express the innocent desire of feelings, and emotion. Writen to share with the world my deapest desire of happiness and lonelyness, to shead some light to you who think they know me. Words orignaly writen with a purepose, a purepose that if expressed right would free me of internal torment. Words twisted and tainted by my thoughts, slowly turned into something that hides its meaning. I sit down to write about her, her who I have manged to desire for as long as I can remember, but I end up writing about my personal desire to end all that is wrong in life. To stop that which is not right, and remove all the seeds of restment that fills every inch of my body. I have often writen of the death of her, most of the times they are written as if it was I who has do these horrible murders, ending her life in a way thats makes the sick and twisted parts of is all burn with joy. While the rest, who read the words writen and not the meaning turn to loved ones and cry, hoping that something like that never happens to them. I often get asked who she is, often times she ask if is them who I write about. I know she knows who she is, she is the only one who will ever understand it because it is writen for her, but I will never admit it, for admiting it will only ruin what is already there. I may desire and dream about being the white knight in shinning armour who comes to rescue her from the evils of the world, winning her heart, and mind. The desire is just that a desire, so I write of her death to block the thought of my head, to sqash and thought that I might actualy have. Yet they come back.

No you can’t help me.
No you can’t know.
No you will never understand.
No your not who I’m talking about.
You will never.....
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Dauthi
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Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
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Postby Dauthi » Fri Oct 01, 2004 7:31 am

Something is missing.
Something gone wrong.
Something you can’t understand.
because I’m gone.


The hollow caveity deap with in my soul grows each night.
Slowly eating away at the child like joy that fills my eyes.
Each day I feel a little older.
A little wise.
a Little colder.
Each day I slowly unwrap ever giving gift of life.
Each day the riddle to life becomes a little more clearer.
I guess, I hope, I dream, I wish.
I ignore, I denie and wish not to hear.
You look at me.
Yet you can’t understand.
You say you do.
But how can you?
You never want to listen.
You never want to understand.
I tell you a lie.
a Lie that I tell myself.
A lie to get to the next day.
A lie in which I hope the next comes true.
Yet you believe me.
"He is fine!"
"Nothing wrong with him!"
Yet it is written.
You just can’t see it.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
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Dauthi
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Posts: 2274
Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
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Postby Dauthi » Fri Oct 01, 2004 7:32 am

I often times ask myself why do I feel so lonely. So empty and worthless! I tell myself that I don’t need a lover in my life because I’ve got my friends. Telling myself that my friends will replace that void. Yet each time I feel I’m getting closer to anyone of my friends, I learn something about them that makes me question if they truely are my friend. How can one tell if someone is their friend or not? Well the best way to tell is to write down what you think a friend should be. So what should a friend be?

First off a Friend is someone who you know.
Someone who you’ve talked to on many occasions.
Someone who if they hanging out at your house all night playing video games you could go to bed and know you will wake in the morning to find all of yoru stuff still there.
Someone who hangs out with you, even when there is nothing to do.
Someone who will call you just to see what your doing.
Someone that when they call you feel the need to answer their call or atleast call back right away.
Someone that you can talk to about damn near anything.
Someone that will listen to what you say and not share it with the world.
Someone who when doing something thinks of weather that something will annoy/pisss off you.
And if they feel it will annoy/piss off you they will stop doing it.
Someone who pays attention to you.
Someone who is willing to tell you that your zipper is down, yet at the same time not make a point to tell the whole world.
Someone that no matter what will be there for you.
Someone that will push aside their own personal earges to help you out.
Someone that cares for you, as much as you care for them.

Someone that you can trust.

Thats it, trust.

A friend is someone you trust.

Now I wonder, do my friends trust me? Or our the people I call my friends just tollerating me so they can use me for something later on in life? Thinking about this and I’ve come the conclusion that yes, some of them trust me. Some of them consider me a friend. And them sum will probly read this and find my words kinda mean and hurtful, yet once they’ve read this they will know that I know that they are true friends. Other ones, the ones that don’t care, that just keep up relations with me because it is easier to do that then not to. These people make me question all my friends. Do I trust them, should I trust them.

How do you trust someone you know don’t give a shit about you? Someone that you are supposed to be friends with, someone who is supposed to be your best friend. The one person who is supposed to be closer to you then anyone, how do you trust them when you know deep down they only care about themselfs? How do you trust a selfcenter, egomaniac, pathiclogical lier? How can this person be your friend? Why should you consider this person you friend? Why do you allow this person to make you feel that you must question your other friends, friends who’ve been nothing but kind and loyal?

I wish.....
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
User avatar
Dauthi
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Posts: 2274
Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Location: Home

Re: Randomthoughts of me.

Postby Dauthi » Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:46 am

The Emptyness -

I wonder sometimes how it came to be that I was so empty inside. I often feel like my soul was once removed for a horric experment and never returned to me, leaving me to wander aimlessly around this world, to never feel love, pain or sorrow.

I'm left with just emptyness, that makes even these rants harder and harder to do. I used to be filled with a vibrant aray of wonderful and dreadful thoughts and desires. I could let the darkness flow from my mind that would make the brights of suns seem gloomy, or I could brightin the darkest of nights with the simplest of sentences, but now I find myself unintested in the on goings of human existence. With drawing myself further and further into the dark clouds of nothingness, only showing up in the sun to preform the manditory obiligations of life.

I have seen what life has to offer the joys and sorrows, yet I find I can't remember a time when I personally experienced a single joy of life, nore can I remember a time when I should of felt utter sorrow and found myself wallowing in my own self pity. Some of you call that a wall to protect myself from emotional backlash that is life, but I find that even when I attempt to open up emotionally I'm completely dry, and what should be rivers of emotional tormant, are nothing more then dry creak beds.

Was I truely brought into this world to be this un-emotionally attacked to the other? To have the feeling that I am alone, and all this sad existences is nothing more then a horrible social experment created in some fantasy world to see how the human mind works, yet I keep messing up their little experment by not following the set commands they are wanting me to follow, to seek love, by following lust. to seek fame and glory by being a shallow brown noser. To back stab and leave all them who care for me in the dust to better my own personal needs. All them rules, that the average human does I fail to do because of this emptyness I have. This un-machine-like creations, this unhumanistic need to see the truth in all matters regarding love, wealth and glory.


Awe wait, there it is the warmth, brooding deep inside, maybe that is what I am missing the long-winded drawn out verbal bashing of society and my souls torremented twisted views into the dark of the worlds horric moral laws.
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
User avatar
Dauthi
Journeyman
 
Posts: 2274
Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Location: Home

Re: Randomthoughts of me.

Postby Dauthi » Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:55 pm

I sit here wondering if any of it mattered? Did any of it truly matter, or was I slaving away pointlessly searching for that deeper forbidden substance? Did you see the effort my desires forced me to perform, or are you truly ignorant to the way I felt. Does it bother you in the least? Do you even remember me? Or have I already faded to the forgotten, a mere shadow of a passing thought?
Leader of Goblins ~ Start of the new trend.
"Didina wike dat beebee!!" - Belle's little one.
Fervent. - Yeah weird huh?
"<venus> who else was i doing..dauthi? and thantos right"
User avatar
Dauthi
Journeyman
 
Posts: 2274
Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Location: Home

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