Don't Think I'll Be There (My Chaotic Thoughts and Poems)

[~Oriana~]

Here I am back where I always end up.
There for everyone day or night doesn't matter the place
or the time
I always answer the call
Here I am screaming telling them all
HEY I NEED YOU
Just to get me through one moment, one heartbreaking night
And who hears me scream? Who answers the call? Who is there?
Yeah back where I always end up
Dealing with every last god damn thing that's been thrown at me
Alone and on my own
Guess this is the part where I smile and say
Oh it's alright I understand, you have your lives, your families, your friends
Guess I was wrong for thinking I fell into one of those somewhere
It's alright? I understand? Like hell I do.
Not this moment not this time
Remember this night.
How I said I needed you, words you rarely hear me speak
Remember this night and how no one answered the call and just let me fall
It's alright. I do understand.
And when the time comes for me to answer your call
I'll just have to say I'm sorry I have my life, my family, my friends
You're just going to have to fall
Unlike all the times before
I don't think I'll be there to even hear you when you call.
In case you might misunderstand let me help make it simple
Just three little words will make it so clear.
To hell with you
Fuck you all.

[~Oriana~]

Please don't bother me with your petty shit
Got enough drama of my own don't need yours
Don't whine and cry to me over your minor shit I don't give a fuck anymore
All day long it's "I have it so rough, this and that and that and this"
Are you serious?
What the hell do you expect me to say this time?
Another great tragedy I get to sit and listen to. Oh yay.
Piss or get off the pot, other people need to use it.
What's the matter you say? Is everything okay?
Oh now you notice?
Pulled your head out of your ass? Had some great epiphany?
Or was it the simple I don't give a fuck you finally heard today?

[~Oriana~]

Simple Memories of Mark...


Mark was an amazing human being though some might not understand why. He was born August 10, 1979 a healthy baby and ended up catching meningitis in the hospital before he even went home. He was severely handicapped after that, could not do anything on his own, lived his life in a wheelchair, couldn't feed himself, talk, walk or do anything that a "normal" child could. He needed 24 hour care that Tina his live in nurse who was with his family since he was a baby always lovingly provided. He had this amazing awareness to him, you could always tell what he liked and what he didn't, because he let you know one way or another, whether it was by his purr or his "yell". He defied the doctors by living decades longer than they said he would. He loved having his hair rubbed and he would sound like a kitten purring away anytime you did it. He loved being read to and loved music, being taken out for a "walk" really made his day, and he always had to have his shades with him. He really was remarkable and his smile could light the world. I have been very blessed to be able to call Mark my friend. I've never cried for the life he lived but reveled in the quiet, gentle way he touched the people around him and touched the world. Rest now with your smile on your face. Godspeed and sweet sleep Mark.

August 10, 1979 + November 14, 2009