The House of Flying Chicken and Tiny Daggers

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The House of Flying Chicken and Tiny Daggers

Postby BackalleyWidowmaker » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:54 am

Found this from a few years ago,thought I'd share.

I guess I could add flaming microwaves and newfound love to the title and that would about sum up this last month or so. But I thought flying chicken and tiny daggers had a nice ring to it. A kung-foo movie gone haywire. Action! Adventure! Danger! A rousing love story! Everything for the makings of a good story right here in my crazy little world.

If you read my blog Kiss Me Once, Kiss Me Twice you've already met Lita, my new kitty cat. After I took her to the vet I decided to let her come in the house so she doesn't get impregnanted. They wanted 85 bucks to spay her and at the time I didn't have the extra money to get it done. The vet informed me that a cat comes into heat every 3 weeks! Who knew? Maybe the Asians are onto something afterall. Fertile mammals short pregnancies = An adbundance of food!

Lita's stint as a house cat lasted a whole 3 days. Gavin was pestering her one day and I kept telling him she was going to bite him but he still continued to harrass her. I really didn't think she would bite him I was just trying to scare him into leaving her alone. But boy was I wrong. She smacked him upside the head with a clawed paw and left him stunned and dumbfounded. I walked over to him and asked if he was alright. He was standing there, tears welling up in his eyes and he said "She got me with her tiny daggers."

I was trying to not laugh outloud cause he was dead serious. Sure enough, she clawed him above the eye and on the side of the head. He then informed me that we didn't need 3 cats and that we needed to give her away. I talked him out of it of course because she is normally such a sweet cat unless she is provoked or near CHICKEN...

Later that day my sweet cat turned down right hostile over my dinner. I warmed up some leftover chicken breast and rice and settled down on the couch to watch some tv and enjoy my easy meal. Lita padded over and looked up innocently. I took a small piece of chicken and tossed it to her. She gobbled it up, then fast as lightning she lunged at my plate and sunk her claws into a chicken breast. I screamed in horror as she flung my dinner off my plate and onto the floor. At the time I was talking to Danny, my boyfriend, on the phone and all I could do was yell "Oh my god! Oh my god!" The bitch was gnawing on my chicken like a lion eating a gazelle in the African wilds. I overcame my shock, walked over to her and reached down to get my defiled dinner back and she growled at me. A primal growl that sounded more like a demon then any cat I ever heard. "Oh my GOD!"

I then decided keeping my hand entact was more important then taking the chicken away from the cat. You'd think these two incidents would be enough to warrant me putting the cat outside... Nah. The next day I came home to 3 piles of cat shit in a triangle formation surrounding my bed. I took this as an evil omen from the feline gods from above and took action.

GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!! Lita now resides outside and has taken up residence in my little barn. For those who think I'm exaggerating please take a look at exibit A. Other wise known as "I got my ass handed to me by a demonic chicken eating feline."

Exibit A:


I wish I had thought of taking a picture of the burmuda triangle of turds, but forgive me, in my shock I forgot all about it.

In other news... Baby Seth single handedly destroyed not one but two home appliances in one fell swoop. My microwave and my cordless phone! Damion, errrr I mean Seth, was watching tv so I thought I could jump in the shower for 5 minutes and jump back out before he got into any trouble. Hah! I came out of the bathroom to find downstairs engulged in black toxic, stinking smoke. Baby Seth took one look at me and took off running. All I could say was "What the FUCK?!!"
I opened the microwave and at first I couldn't even recognize what he had torched in there. Then under closer inspection I noticed the new battery from the phone I had just bought the month before. My phone! Nooooo!!!

I grabbed a bottle of Windex and some paper towels and looked at the inside of the microwave in despair. "You gotta be kidding me" I thought.
Then thank god I came to my senses and decided to test the microwave to see if the damn thing even worked anymore. It didn't. It's a good thing I didn't spend 4 hours cleaning out a broken microwave. I would of gone apeshit on someone after that.

So I unplugged it, picked it up, walked over to the front door, opened the front door and proceeded to hurl the microwave in the front yard. And there it sat until Danny came over.

Speaking of Danny... What a great boyfriend I have. Can you imagine what this poor guy has to put up with? And still he comes back for more! Wheee!!! We haven't scared him off yet. So far everything is going great and I couldn't be happier concerning my love life. Now the rest of my life, that's another story.

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Re: The House of Flying Chicken and Tiny Daggers

Postby owly » Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:09 am

Your story reminds me of my cat "Stinky" everytime i eat she comes relentlessly after my food lol

Sometimes when we have guess over she attacks them, she also meweows like a billy goat...

B'a'a'a'a heh

And everytime i'm on the computer she feels like sitting on my lap, the Brat
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If you think I don't make sense think about the evidence that Big Foot is my Papa and he got to protect ME!

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Re: The House of Flying Chicken and Tiny Daggers

Postby Eeva » Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:06 am

Hrrmm, playing with the microwave..reminds me of my little brother and his microwave experiments gone bad. My poor parents had to shell out quite a bit for I would say at least 3 new ones..first experiement, egg with shell in microwave, exploded and split the top of the microwave. 2nd- put in plastic package of ramen noodles , that's correct, just put the whole package in and hit start. melted and burned right into microwave, fire alarm etc. and 3rd i think most ingenious, a plastic He-man figure. Put He-man in, hit start, and again, melting burning etc. Asked why he would do such a thing, he said, "to make him grow" (?!:)
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