Short Story: Scuttlebutt (Open for comments :D)

[Porckie]

Hello everyone! :)
I'm posting this story here because, after it was posted in the maxim-forum, someone said 'That must have been the funniest post I've ever read', and who am I to ignore such an honest judgement!?
It's called 'Scuttlebutt!' which is pirate-schlang for 'nonsence' or 'rumour'. There's a lot of pirate-schlang in there.. ehm.. well.. I hope you know your pirate-ABC's :D
Anyway.. it's a nice story about pirates, with a yohoho and a bowl of soup.


[center] ~~* Scuttlebutt *~~~[/center]

" Scuttlebutt! "

" No sir..it's true! "

" Speak up ye filthy pants-wobbling landlubber! "

Porckie's conversation with his first mate wasn't passing off quite aswell as would be expected of two people shouting in each other's ears. The communicative complexity was caused by the overwhelming sound of barnacles colliding with sturdy bits of parsley and an occasional porcupine...

" I'm trying to tell you the words 'Land ho!' have been shouted quite frequently from the crow's nest, sir! "

" Shiver me timbers! "

With that, the first mate crouched down and started to shake the Dwarf's third pegleg, placed there not only to make him look like a pirate but also because he loved the sensation of hard wood between his legs...

" Will you stop that! "

Porckie lifted one of his eyepatches and saw the utter destruction they had caused. Their ship had not, as was to be expected by any normal ship hitting land, stopped moving, it had however left a trail of agrarian disorder, ran-over badgers and a certain number of maroons catching up with the ship on foot...

" Ahem.. well..atleast nobody got scurvy yet.. "

Porckie smiled, while nibbling at his head-worn banana, which had been used to replace the bandana's, which in turn had been employed to substitute the missing underwear. This lingery had been proclaimed missing, although rumour has it that the cook was using it for his infamous 'banana splits'...

" So you think we should continue our sailing, sir? "

" Well yes.. we're moving aren't we? "

" That's true sir.. won't they notice us though? A ship sailing on land isn't very..common. "

" Scuttlebutt! When will we arrive in our enemy's lands? "

" With this speed, it should only take us a couple of hours sir.. "

" Yo Ho Ho! About the secret weapons! "

" You mean the.. "

" Yes! The pissing feathery things! "

" I think they prefer to be called excreting organisms sir.. "

" Bring me my urinating plummage at once! Or I will have you swab the deck with your Adam's Apple! "

" Allright sir.. BRING FORTH THE TOR-PEE-DODO'S! "

Two buccaneers nodded and wen't down the stairs, to the Poop Deck. They returned carrying four pillories, each of which had three birds attached to them. The birds had crooked noses and their 'thingies' were held to the wooden blocks, not only to the sailor's amusement but also to effectively squeeze out as much juice as painfully possible...

" Very well! You know what to do when you see an enemy? "

The buccaneers nodded, they had learned their instructions by heart. They were to shout 'BOO!' by the first adversairious sight, causing the birds to pee in their pants. But, seeing as the pants were in this case obsolete, this would result in them being highly effective long-range weapons...

" Soup's ready! "

" Ah..Pea-soup.. What better way to ensure ourselves that nobody will be taking the wind out of our sails today? "

[Abdiel]

That is a most hilarious manuscript, Porckie.

Good job.

[Porckie]

Blaha :)
Thanking you mister Abdiel..
Erf.. this story actually got 6 views..of which 3 are mine..heh.. *feels the wub!*

(Is this a bumb-post..who knows? What do you think?)

[Khalil]

I've seen better (but don't feel so bad, because the 'better ones' I've seen were also penned by a certain 'writer's corner pick of the week, 19-26 October 2002'. Nuff said).