Literate ? Unlikely. Legible ? Hopefully.

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Literate ? Unlikely. Legible ? Hopefully.

Postby Erik Von Oseff » Sat Nov 06, 2004 5:16 am

Well I've been meaning to make a thread for the random stuff that escapes the surley bonds of my subconscience for a little while now.

Criticisms and comment accepted. But only honest and serious ones.



And now, for my pleaseure only : P, my first tripe !


(currently untitled)

When I am alone,
I think.

When I think,
the evil gains ground.

I fear it won't be long,
until the evils have won the war.

Pray for me,
for I cannot do so myself.
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Mon Nov 08, 2004 9:22 am

So no one has any opinions ? and only 7 people peruse Writers corner ?

Or have I done something to prevent people from opening my thread ? or replying ?

Well no matter, I did this for me. If you people choose to ignore, my life is unchanged.

So now without furthur ado I bring you another of my musings. this time I'll even use bb tags ! Wooooo

[center]
zombie

I am among friends, but I am alone.

I walk.
I walk the walk, my Danse Macabre;
I stand and sit when times are right,
I stay where I am when they've had enough of me.

I walk. I talk.
I talk the talk, my melancholy dirge;
I belittle myself so they can feel better,
I say stupid things so that they don't catch on.

I walk. I talk. I feel.
I feel ? No, I don't feel.

I act the part so they stay none the wiser,
but emotions and I have never met.
Joy, sorrow, pleasure, pain;
they have yet to introduced themselves.

Do I live ? Can I truly be alive if I don't feel ?

Can I be taught to live ? Can I be taught to feel ?

Or am I blind and deaf ? Am I oblivious ?
Did I choose to ignore things I have felt,
so I could continue the farce of pity and doubt ?

You don't know.

I don't know.

No one knows.

I may be alone, but atleast I'm with friends.

[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Droevig » Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:38 am

I really like the second one, the first escaped me i think, i dont really get it.

Its very raw, its intersting, some parts seem to flow and are really obvious and simple, while other parts i find confusing, the overall affect it cool.

I have to say i like it, even if i dont understand it.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Thu Nov 11, 2004 5:05 am

If you knew me you might have more insight into the meanings of zombie. Of course I don't really let people know me ....

Silent Night, as I have titled the first poem was written while alone in mirc. If some of the #evernight idlers keep logs they have ther original.

And seein as the last two were a bit heavy, here's a lighthearted little ditty I made after an outing with friends.


[center]Legal Adult

twenty dollars,

three minutes,

he thinks it starts with S;

her name is Niki.[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Thu Nov 11, 2004 11:09 am

[center]Je me souviens
Si je savais les mots,
à dire,
pour vous faire retour à ma vie,
Je les aurais déjà dits.

Mais ces mots,
n'existent pas,
ainsi je reste ici,
seul,
sans vous,
dans le silence ombragé du passé.[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Mykayla » Thu Nov 11, 2004 12:37 pm

I liked the second one and this last one *grins* I've not read much French poetry before, but I'm pleased to say I retain enough of my French from four years ago to understand that.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Mon Nov 15, 2004 2:53 pm

Well my french was rustier than I though, as thats a more grammaticaly correct version of my original. :lol:
I wish I were as erudite in french as I like to believe I am in english. As that dude in the matrix 2 said, french IS like wiping your ass with silk.



Seeing as coincidence has seen fit to make it that my odd numbered posts in this thread happen to be crap, I'll continue the trend as long as I'm able. Here are a pair of Haikus.


[center]pwnd

a gentle caress

the delicate aroma

you have been cock-slapped





waiting for Fungus spine –haemorrhage of thought

the file is ready

the transfer has not begun

slow ass mother fuck
[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Thu Nov 18, 2004 1:23 pm

So what, no critics ? I know I've not attained perfection so where is the disparagement ? Am I so skilled in illusion that you cannot find my faults ? Or have I intimidated you all with my use of large words ?

Or perhapse you think it beneath you to deride my work ?

or I'm just paranoid . . .



[center]Soul Survivor

Walking on a cloud, the wind in my hair;
Where have I been ? I don't really care.
All that matters is where I am.

In Love ?


The sky all above me, the ground far below;
How long till I reach it ? I don't need to know.
On my back there is nothing.

I'm free !


But reach it I must, and there my life ends;
Will I be remembered by family or friends ?
Forgetting but never Forgotten ?

To dream.
[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Tue Nov 23, 2004 4:27 pm

[center]Though, Word, and Deed

They stare at me, my cold immutable iron;
The walls they form separates the world and I;
Do they keep me in ? Or the rest of it out ?

But for every lock a key;
Do I want to be free ?

Do I want to escape my prejudices ?
[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Sun Nov 28, 2004 5:06 am

Some of you may have noticed that all my poems so far are small.
The reason for this is simple if not obvious.

The weave of my conscious is both strong and tight; and the guard, my ego, is vigilante and effecient. Ergo fugitives are both small and few. That they are often ephemeral only adds to the difficulty of their making it to you, the reader.

I think it highly unlikely that I would have ever let anyone see my poems at all were it not for the anonimity the internet provides.
Also many would not have even been made ...


[center]Manimals

One, two, act like you
Three, four, wage some war
Five, six, conform like this
Seven, eight, breed more hate
Nine, ten, start over again[/center]
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Thu Mar 24, 2005 4:03 pm

I am.
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Eltharion » Thu Mar 24, 2005 10:57 pm

a gentle caress

the delicate aroma

you have been cock-slapped




For the record, if you ever serenade me like that, I am so leaving you. :P
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Mon Mar 28, 2005 6:05 pm

*Pitches woo at Elthy-poo*

Better ? :wink:

We now return you to your regularly schedualed program.


ilektron

Need me, bleed me;
whip and caress me.
Want me, haunt me;
don't try to impress me.
Flirt and hurt, you've done your worst;
So call me home to prove my worth.
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Eltharion » Wed Mar 30, 2005 6:00 pm

:P

For whatever it's worth, I actually sorta like the shortness, in an utter hate sorta way.

It's like every time the poem gets going, it's over.

--

Note, I'm not complaining, or even criticising, because it really suits the poems. Just very stunning, visually. (aurally?)
Requiem for a Monarchy
...because boys are so pretty.
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Mon Apr 11, 2005 10:22 am

damn, and here I'd though I'd finally gotten some criticism.
:?

My life worth dying
A collection of haiku


make the forward leap
ephemeral weightlessness
sudden stop ensues

warm embrace of flames
perfume of accelerant
body purified

explosions of stars
my parasitic consort
for hemp fandango

a sup of the sea
the mistresses icy grip
welcomes a new guest

lost now is my mind
Desert Eagle spoke but once
O acephalous
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Lilim_Savanant » Mon Apr 11, 2005 3:05 pm

i get the second one. makes perfect sense to me. but then again i also suspect i understand the real meanings behind it and where the inspiration comes from

i shouldn't worry about the shortness of poetry, there is no set lengths to which it should be written. its simply a case of writing and getting across everything you feel needs to be said, till everything seems right. then dont change it. too much poetry can be ruined by adding unnecesarily when its already complete
Sousa kanashimi wo yasashisa ni jibun rashisa wo chikara ni
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Postby nimbus » Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:58 pm

mmm haiku

me likes me some haiku
an these are good.


but these seem, rather... hrmm.. loosely thematically connected.
I'd love to see each of these as the beginning of a group of forms, one for each metaphor, as it where.

Explore them more!


(theres a tiny tid-bit or crit for yas :)
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Postby Erik Von Oseff » Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:11 am

There is no present. There is only futur and memory.

As for the themes on those haiku it was elements. earth, fire, air water, metal ... so I guess I have to make a wood one to finish the cycle.

martyrdom
tear shed silently
for the loss of innocence
is seldom noticed
Better to be dead than lost, because the lost can never go home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
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Postby Lady Maven » Wed Jan 04, 2006 2:10 am

Ok, remember, you asked, no fair socking me up.

Some of your short ones? Really good. Pwnd? Nice. Legal Adult? Inspired. Waiting For Fungus Spine? Loved it.

Most of the rest? I won't go as far as to say they are crap, you have talent to be sure. It's your subject matter. Love, loneliness, yada yada yada. They have been done. There are MILLIONS of them, literally. And no one cares anymore.

My advice to you is simple. Take chances, get viceral and raw. Use imagary no one else does. How many people write poetry about slow connections and cock slapping? Not many you can bet. That is precisely what makes them good. Save the other stuff to woo women, which was the original purpose after all. For the rest of us? Give us the good stuff.
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but to skid in sideways totally worn out screaming "HOLY SHIT ..... what a ride"!!
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