This is a story I wrote for an event competition. It need to be edited for typos, but I will do that another time.
http://www.evernight.com/boards/canon/viewtopic.php?t=1915
Ohhhh K! See, Im a siyin har. Yah, me..siyin har, an I wan a drin.
::I was a lonely night for Saint Nick. His reindeer had just quit after hundreds of years, and the old lady said he was, well, not any good in bed anymore. All of the elves were gone as well, yelling about labor laws and inadequate wages. Most were selling crack in large cities around the world and pimping out some hos as well.::
I ha faled my fe..::hiccup:: fe..::hiccup:: fela man. I am no gud to anywa. I thik I shud en it nowww.
::Saint Nick slowly rose from teh ground where he had sat for several hours drinking a bottle of grape M/D 20/20. He looked around for his hat and coat, but remembered, somehow, that he had given to that cute little redhead with the big melons a week a go in Paris. Now here he was, in Cincinatti, and he had lost everything. Saint Nick ambled over to the nearest gutter and prepared to throw himself into the sewer when he heard a faint whistle. A small little high pitched, but very seet and melodic voice began to sing.::
Poor Santa Claus, you have lost your way
Please don't go, for the little children pray
They need you soon, for Christmas is near
And my little ass can't make their presents appear.
::Santa, as all of his dear friends called him, looked up and saw the Tooth Fairy sitting on a lamp post. No, it was nothing pornographic, she was her tiny size because she had just given 5 bucks to the Childers kid for his front tooth he knocked out while trying to get his lolli-pop out of the toilet. porcelain can do a doozy on ones teeth.::
Wujja doin up there babee? I han't seen yu sinze we had our ron..ron..metin in JamaIKa. Tha wuz quite a fuggin you gav me.
::The Tooth Fairy, aka Trixie, floated down to Santa and landed right in front of him. With a wave of her wand she was "life size."::
Santie Wantie, I'v emissed you. You can't let all of this get you down, The world needs you and your presents. Your everything.
::Santa stared for a moment, then he lifted his gaze from Trixie's breasts.::
Who neds Sanda?
::Trixie smiled, flicked her hair and licked her lips.::
I do Santie, like I've always needed you. But..
::Trixie turned and seductivly walked a few paces away. SAnta watched her walk with rapt attention.::
you can't have me until you do your other duty.
::Santa sobered up quite quickly with that. He adjusted his pants for obvious reasons and was ready to rock. Then he stopped.::
But, Trix, my sleigh, I have no reindeer. There are no toys, the elves stopped making them months ago. I only have drug paraphanelia and sex toys in there.
::Trix smiled::
Want some fairy dust big boy? It will do the job like none other.
::Santa smiled, it was tiem to rock. He and Trix walked hand and hand to the end of the street. With a wave of her wand they were both out of sight.::
I hear him Mommy.
::Jimmy was so excited, Santa was there, at his home. He ran downstairs to catch him and see Santa for himself. He made it to the bottom of the landing and looked in astonishment at all of the presents under the tree. Jimmy sped to the tree but stopped abruptly a few feet from it.::
Watch out Mama.
O.K, I got it.
Mama, why was that roach I just stepped on wearing a red suit?